FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
