So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
