i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
