you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
