Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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