The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
