So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize