you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
