I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
