My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
