what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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