left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
