can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
