Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
