I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this just has baby written all over it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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