i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
