the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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