He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
