bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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