She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize