this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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