oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
