It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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