I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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