my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i drank out of a bidet.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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