yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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