I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
