Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
