whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
