The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
