doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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