I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
