Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
