meet me or not, i'm out of control
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
