Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
