dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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