Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
