What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
