The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize