you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
