just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
