doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
