My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
