Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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