..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
