I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
