Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
His nipple licking is glorious
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