The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
