i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
