I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I smell stomach acid.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
