It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
