he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
