just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
