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I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
