I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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