I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
