a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
