roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
