now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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