I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
