I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
