Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's get the cat blown out
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
