omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
