We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I party with great urgency now.
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