i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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