allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
