Got a toothbrush?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
