so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
