I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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