weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
