I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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