moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
