Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
