I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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