OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
